Hiding in the Shadows of the Moon
by Orange Sodie
Summary: What if Abby had never had an abortion?
1. Foreword

Disclaimer: None of the ER characters belong to me. However, the ones I created do. You can't miss 'em, they're the poorly developed and malnourished ones. 

Author's notes: Don't ask. I promised myself I wouldn't start any new series, but here I am. Whatever. This story is a response to Abilene's challenge, which goes as follows:

"Something I've always wondered about is what would Abby's life be like if she hadn't had that abortion. If she now had Richard's child would she still be married to him? Would they be divorced and sharing custody or would one of them not want anything to do with the kid? Would her and Luka still have gotten together? I'd sure like to see Abby as a single mother and starting out a relationship with Luka. I'd most be interesting in seeing how Luka would react around her child. Anyhow the whole point of this fiction idea is obvious and pretty endless as far as ideas go. If you have any questions or want some advice don't hesitate to contact me. Have fun writing!"

So here goes... again. What you need to know:

- This story takes place between seasons 6 and 7. However, Abby is not a med student, she never went to med school, she has always been a nurse. She's in the ER because Weaver brought her. She was married to Richard, but they divorced before she came to the ER, so forget about her telling Carol she was going through a divorce. And as the challenge demands, she never had an abortion. So they do have a kid. 

- Luka is at County, he did date Carol, or whatever you wanna call that. But she went to Seattle, and Luka hasn't been seeing anyone since.

- Since it's mid seasons 6/7, Abby's not Carter's sponsor, she never ratted him out. He did go to rehab, but that's another plot, not linked to Abby's in any way. 

- For that matter, Abby never kissed Luka, they never went out on a date, but they have interacted more than we've seen. They're not friends, more like acquaintances.

- General warning: Since the character of Abby was fully developed on season 7, then don't expect the Abby we have on the show here. She won't do a 180 degree turn, but she's not the Abby you guys are used to. If you don't like it, then write your own story, dammit! ;) Just kidding. 

I think that's pretty much it. Everything else will be explained along the way. A million thanks to Kate for making my story make sense. I love you, Kate. You complete me tear.

I'm dedicating this one to Raquel, who I love like a sister and who keeps up with my terrible mood swings every day. You deserve this and more, babe!

All kinds of feedback are welcomed. The first part of the story is in the next post. Enjoy!


	2. Part 1

"Hiding in the Shadows of the Moon"

-Part 1-

Hell. It was the only word to describe this unbearable heat. Hell. It was like being in the desert for days and weeks, without a drop of water, without a raft of wind, without the ability to think cool thoughts. Yup, hell was definitely on the forecast for Chicago on that August day. Hell was also an adjective she could use to describe many of the things governing her life at the moment. 

"Come on, Dominic. Look ahead," she said quickly as she almost ran down the street, carrying her gigantic purse and a huge bag in her arms, and dragging her son down the sidewalk. 

And of course, as fate would have it, just as soon as she got to the crosswalk, the light went red. 

"Shit," she mumbled, immediately looking down to see if her son had heard her, but he was distractedly looking up at a bird who was flying atop their heads. 

"Dominic," she called him out as she shook his hand along with his little arm, trying to get his attention. He looked up at her briefly, and then his eye immediately searched for the long gone bird.

Abby let out a sigh, and as the light went green, she bent down to pick up her son and carry him in her arms, ready to run for it.

Weaver was going to kill her. No, killing her was too sweet of a punishment. Weaver was going to snap her toes off, one by one, and then have her sew them back on without an anesthetic. The sad part was that she was probably not exaggerating either. Whatever had possessed her to agree to work in the ER? And every time she tried to go back to OB, something would happen and she'd have to postpone the transfer. It was like falling on a bottomless pit.

There was an ambulance parked in the bay, but the paramedics were only sitting on the rig, drinking Coke and fanning themselves with two patient charts. 'Lucky bastards,' she thought as she made her way into the emergency room. Thank God the air conditioner was working. She leaned on the side of the lounge for a moment to catch her breath, clearing away the beads of sweat off the side of her son's face. 

"Abby, Weaver's looking for you."

Of course. 

She let out a sigh, putting her son down and taking his hand immediately. "Where is she?" she asked Frank, who was staring blank at the computer screen. 

"I'm not your personal hound, she's somewhere around here," Frank made a frantic motion with his hand and shook his head. 

Abby rolled her eyes, looking around. "Come on, honey," she said as she walked into the lounge. Good, empty. She made her way to her locker, releasing her son's hand but not taking her eyes off him. He was looking at all the posters around the room, most with advisements not to smoke and stay healthy, some teaching women how to do a self breast exam and others warning about the dangers of drinking. 

"Hey, are you hungry?" Abby asked Dominic, who looked up at her, but then all of a sudden he looked away immediately when the door opened. 

"Oh, I'm sorry," Chen said when she saw Abby dressing up. She smiled, and walked over to pour herself a cup of coffee. "Who's this?"

Abby could tell that was going to be the question of the day. 

"Uh, he's my son."

"Aww, I didn't know you had a son," Chen said as she walked over, kneeling in front of the boy, who took a step back and wrapped his arm around Abby's leg. "Hey, what's your name, cutie?"

"Dominic," Abby replied. 

"Hi, Dominic," Chen cooed. Dominic didn't look at Chen but just past her uncomfortably, and then up at Abby, who gave him a quick smile. 

All of a sudden she felt like a rat being hunted by a snake, and like the rattle of a tail, she heard Weaver's crutch getting near. Amazingly enough, the door opened and in walked her predator.

"Abby, can I talk to you?"

"Sure," Abby sighed. 

"Dr. Chen, can you excuse us?" Weaver asked. 

Jing Mei stood up, with a slight smile. "Yeah."

As Kerry walked over and when the table was no longer in the way, she realized there was a small boy standing next to Abby, looking at her crutch. "Oh, who's this?"

Abby put her left hand on top of Dominic's brown hair and took his hand with her other. "This, he's my son." Why did that seem like such a hard thing to say today?

"Oh, I didn't know you had a son," Kerry smiled, trying to bend to eye contact with the boy. "Hi."

"Did you wanna talk to me?" Abby interrupted. 

"Yeah. Dr. Chen, mind finding this little guy a lollipop?" Kerry asked as she looked through some papers she was holding in her hands. 

"That's okay, he can stay," Abby said, playing with her son's hand, massaging its palm in circles. 

"Alright," Kerry replied. "Dr. Chen?"

"Bye, Dominic," Chen smiled and walked out.

Abby bent down in front of Dominic, taking his face in her hands. "Hey, mommy's gonna be over there for a couple of seconds okay?"

She picked him up and grabbed a toy truck from his bag, walked over and sat him on the couch. Dominic picked up the toy and began to play with it immediately, spinning its wheels over and over. 

Abby walked over towards the door, letting Weaver walk out, but staying under the frame so she could keep an eye on her son. "Kerry, I'm sorry."

"Three days in a row, Abby," Kerry scolded. 

"I know, I just... my babysitter's sick..."

"We have an excellent daycare center upstairs," Kerry said. 

"I know," Abby replied, letting her head drop. 

"Well use it, it's free," Kerry added. Abby didn't say anything, so Kerry continued. "You didn't tell me you had a son."

Abby shrugged her shoulders. "Didn't want to use him as an excuse."

"Well, he is," Kerry said. She stared at Abby for a couple more seconds, and then turned to walk down the hall. "On time tomorrow."

"Yeah," Abby said. When Weaver walked away, she let her body rest against the door frame, closing her eyes for a moment and feeling as if she was about to fall asleep standing right there. And to think she'd have to pull a 12 hour shift. Letting out another sigh, she turned around to check on her son, but found that he wasn't alone. There was Luka, kneeling in front of Dominic and tying his shoe. She walked over, hearing the doctor talking as if to himself.

"You don't want to fall down," Luka said, smiling up at Dominic, who kept running the truck up and down his thigh. "Do you like trucks?"

"He doesn't talk," Abby said nervously, sitting down next to Dominic.

Luka looked up at her. "Oh," he said almost apologetically. Then he smiled and patted Dominic's read sneaker. "Is he a patient's son?" 

"Um," Abby began with a tired smile as she rubbed her eye. "No, he's... he's mine."

"Really?" Luka said in surprise, a smile spread across his face. "I didn't know you had a son."

"I've been hearing that a lot today." She crossed her arms as she looked around, as if the entire hospital was in the lounge with them.

"Usually people always talk about their kids and put pictures on their lockers," he said, looking towards the lockers to add a visual effect. 

She just shook her head, not having a response to that. He was probably waiting for an explanation, or writing down in his head all the questions she knew everyone was formulating by now. But she just shrugged her shoulders and watched as Dominic grabbed the penlight off Luka's lab coat pocket. 

"Dominic, give that back!" Abby scolded him. 

"It's ok," Luka chuckled. He took the penlight and flashed it at Dominic's face a couple of times. "Do you like that?"

Abby felt relief when instead of going on a crying spree, Dominic just smiled, and finally took the penlight away from Luka. 

"How old is he?" Luka said between their tug-of-war game. 

"Just turned five. I think he likes you," Abby said and watched Luka smile. She put her arm around Dominic's shoulders, trying to get his attention. "Hey, honey, this is my friend Luka. Can you say hi?" Dominic looked up at Luka briefly, acknowledging his presence, and then continued to play with the penlight. 

Luka just chuckled. He wondered why Dominic wasn't in school, and how come no one knew Abby was even married. It was almost impossible in a place that fed on gossip. They weren't exactly best friends, but they had had casual conversations. But it seemed like a touchy subject, so he decided no to meddle. If Abby didn't tell anyone she was married and had a five year old boy, then he figured she didn't want anyone, including him, to know.

"Cute kid," Dave said as he walked into the lounge with a back pack hanging from his right shoulder. Before going to his locker, he just walked over. "Yours?" he asked Abby.

She nodded. Finally someone smart enough to deduce that. 

"You don't have blue eyes," Dave added. 

Maybe not. 

Abby closed her eyes and shook her head. "His father does."

"Oh, right," Dave nodded and smiled. "Hey champ, put it there," he added, putting his open hand in front of Dominic for him to slap, but Dominic squirmed away from him a little. 

"Hey, I got a candy," Dave offered, digging inside his pocket and showing Dominic a Jolly Rancher. 

"No, Dave, he hasn't eaten yet," Abby protested, pushing the candy away. 

"Ah, you're one of those freaky moms," Dave said. Instead of putting his back pack on his locker, he just threw it on a corner and walked out of the lounge.

"Are you just coming in?" Abby asked Luka, ignoring Dave. 

"Yes, but I'm not on for a couple of minutes," Luka replied. "Want me to take him to daycare?

"No, that's ok," Abby said, finishing with a small yawn.

"Abby," Frank croaked, peeking his head through the door. "There's a guy out here looking for you, I think it's your husband."

Abby looked over and let out a sigh. Luka stood up and she did the same. "Ok, Dominic, daddy's here. Give that back, honey," she said as she took the penlight away from his hands and gave it back to Luka. Picking him up, she walked over and grabbed the bag from the floor and put the toy truck back inside.

"Bye, Dominic. Nice to meet you," Luka smiled as he walked towards his locker to get ready for work, putting the penlight back in his pocket.

"Say bye to Luka," Abby said. Dominic only looked at Luka briefly, and then rested his head on Abby's shoulder. 

She opened the side door to avoid the crowd gathered by the front desk and looked around. Richard was waiting outside and she walked over, being hit by the heat of the city immediately. He was already looking at her with his infamous judgmental look. 

Abby quickly rolled her eyes. "Would it kill you to take your son to Anderson's every once in a while?"

"Still going to that jack?" Richard spat. 

"That 'jack' happens to be a great doctor," Abby replied. 

"Yeah, which you've been now seeing for three..." he suddenly gave up and just shook his head. "Look... I don't wanna get into this right now."

"Don't worry, Richard. I already have the speech memorized," Abby said as she handed him the bag. 

All of a sudden Richard's demeanor changed and he energetically shook Dominic and took him away from Abby's arms. "Hey, tiger! How's it going!?" 

Dominic protested for a second with a grunt, until Abby reached inside his bag and gave him back the truck toy. "The appointment is at one, and he hasn't eaten yet but don't give him any junk food, I don't want him to grow up on that stuff."

"What else am I gonna give him?" Richard replied. 

"I don't know, Richard, something healthy?! I mean, one of your fifty girlfriends has took cook," Abby snapped at him. "Speaking of which, can you please just take it easy around him? I don't want him to walk into your room in the middle of the night to find you with one of your... friends." 

"I don't do that around him," Richard protested. 

"Good, keep it that way," Abby said. Ignoring Richard's eye roll, she cleared Dominic's hair off his forehead and gave him a kiss. "Bye, honey. I'll see you in two days, okay?"

Still playing with his truck, Dominic just put his one free arm around Abby's neck until Richard pulled him away. 

"Come on, tiger! Let's go get some ice cream!" he added. 

"Richard," Abby protested. 

"Relax, Abby. A little ice cream after lunch is not gonna to kill him," he said and without another word, he walked away. 

Abby kept looking even after they were gone, all of a sudden remembering that she was in the ER and needed to start getting busy before she'd end up working on a hot dog stand. 

The rest of the day she spent answering the same questions: how old is he? How come you never said you had a son? How come you never said you were married? How come you don't wear your wedding ring at work? How come you don't have any pictures of him on your locker? How come you didn't tell me? Didn't you trust me? Didn't you trust me? Didn't you trust me?

All of a sudden she opened her eyes and she was at home, so tired she couldn't even remember how she got there in the first place. She kept the lights off, and as she made her way into her room, she realized the night light on Dominic's room was still on. She walked over and sat on his bed, smelling the baby shampoo on his pillow, his toys resting on the side of his night table. She picked up one of his stuffed bears and ripped the loose threads hanging from its ears. The room was mostly decorated with Dominic's drawings and paintings, some easily identified as dogs or cats or birds, others didn't make much sense. She still kept the abstracts. Her room was also filled with his things, most of his drawings on frames hanging on the walls, the rest his pictures on her night table and armoire. 

As she turned off the night lamp, she let her body rest on the small bed, her feet almost dangling out on the end. Well, at least the cat was out of the bag now. Sometimes she wondered who lived in silence the most, her son or her. 

~*~

She had found out a long time ago that even when Dominic was off with Richard, she still couldn't rest. And how could she? What would Richard be doing with him? What would he feed him? Where would he take him? Which one of his girlfriends would be trying to play with **her** son? It was the only known sure way to get a headache. She had already called his house three times that day, asking what Dominic was up to. The first time, Richard seemed okay with it. The second time, he sounded a little irritated. The third time he hung up on her. How could she help it, though? The guy was the most irresponsible person she had ever met.   


Well, that wasn't true. She knew that. Richard was responsible, maybe even more so than her. But she still wished Richard would visit instead of taking Dominic to his house once a month. Those turned out to be the longest weekends in time.

She then realized she had been stocking the trauma room for a long time and she hadn't really done anything yet. Shaking her head, she decided to concentrate, let her mind just relax and see if this worry would disappear. As she picked up three boxes of gloves and put them on the drawer, she heard as the doors open, but used to the fact there was no privacy in the ER, she ignored it. 

"Have you seen Morris' chart?"

Abby turned around, but she didn't see anyone. She didn't move, wondering if she was now beginning to hallucinate too. 

All of a sudden she jumped back with a gasp when Luka reappeared from under the gurney. 

"Did I scare you?" he chuckled. 

"No," Abby smiled. "I was wondering if this place was hunted." She reached for the chart resting on the counter near her and showed it to him. 

"Ah, thank you," Luka said as he walked over and took the chart from her hands, but instead of walking away, he just rested his body against the counter. 

"How's Dominic?" he asked, scanning through he pages of the chart, sometimes just reading, sometimes just writing things down.

"Huh?" Abby asked for a moment and then shook her head when she realized what he was asking. "Oh. Good, he's with his dad."

Luka looked her way for a moment and then back at the chart. "I didn't know you were married."

"I'm not," Abby replied. He didn't say anything, so she looked his way and added. "We're divorced."

"Oh," Luka said. "Sorry."

"It's ok," Abby replied. 

Luka was quiet for a moment, and then all of a sudden worked up the courage to look up, letting the chart rest between his body and his folded arms. "Listen, I know a really good speech therapist right here in the city..."

Abby shook her head immediately. "No, it's ok. I, I've got it."

"Sorry, I just thought," he stopped, with his tail between his legs.

"No, don't worry about it." She returned to her job, but then after a silence, she turned towards Luka again. "Dominic's... he's autistic," she nodded. It was probably only the third time she had said that out loud, first to Richard, then to the babysitter, and now to Luka. Yet she somehow knew that no matter how many times she said it, these feelings would forever come with it; sadness, guilt, anger, and as inhumane as it sounded, even a little shame. 

Luka looked at her for a moment, not sure how to react, and then just nodded. "I'm sorry," he finally said, knowing that was probably the last thing she wanted to hear at the moment. Or at any moment. As a doctor he could hide bad news and make them seem like good news, but somehow when it was someone you knew... the words never seemed to come out the way he wanted them to. Three apologies in one conversation, that had to go on the _Foot in Your Mouth _hall of fame.

"It's ok," Abby smiled. "It's mild, and, um, we've been seeing this doctor for three years, he thinks that if we don't give up Dominic will... get better," she said almost with a mirthless chuckle, avoiding eye contact. "Maybe start communicating too."

Luka smiled. "I think he can communicate now, just not with words."

"He mainly just points at things," Abby sighed and then smiled. "It's like no matter how many birthdays he has, he'll always be nine months old."

"Don't say that," Luka said. "I think he understands everything we say, and he'll probably be able to communicate well, just give it some time."

"Yeah," Abby said, putting another box of gloves on the cabinet. "I just get a little desperate sometimes."

"I understand," Luka said. 

Abby didn't say anything else. A trauma came in and Luka took over, and when she finished stocking the room, she walked out to call Richard again. This time he didn't even pick up the phone.

~*~

Saturday nights usually come and go in a flash. As soon as you realize it's Friday, all of a sudden it's Monday and another work week begins. But weekends never really go by quickly unless you don't want them too. If you do, then chances are they'll seem like an eternity. 

The saddest part was that she couldn't even recognize half the shows on television. She was sick of watching the news. The Saturday night movies were all romantic comedies she hated. Oh my God, Saturday Night Live is **still **on? All of a sudden the phone rang, and she ran towards it so quickly, she almost slipped and fell on the kitchen floor. 

"Hello?" she said quickly, hoping to hear it was Richard, and dreading it could be bad news. 

"Abby, it's Maggie."

Great.

Abby rolled her eyes, taking the phone to the living room and sitting back down on the couch. "Hey, mom."

"Haven't talked to you in a while, how are things? How's Dominic?" Maggie asked without taking a breath of air. 

Abby raised her eyebrows. She could smell Maggie's episodes from a thousand miles away. "He's ok. He's with Richard."

"I've been meaning to go up there to pay a visit, but there just isn't enough time for anything anymore. Did you know your brother is getting married? Well, he comes home the other night, with this blonde girl who must be half his age, and tells me they're getting married next month. Next month, can you believe that? I mean, why don't they just elope to Vegas and send me a postcard with Elvis and a Trojan warrior on the background. They don't even have a church, Abby!"

Abby only sat back and let her mother talk as she kept cruising through the channels. She had learned long ago that it was better to keep Maggie on the phone, because if she didn't release all the energy talking with her, then she'd just go out and do God knows what. Most of the time Abby didn't even listen to what Maggie kept saying. But she could recognize when Maggie was about to ask a question. That she replied to. The calls went on for hours, until all of a sudden Maggie would realize there was something she needed to do and would just hang up. 

"So, tell me, are you finally dating again?" Maggie asked. 

Ah, finally **_the question_**. Abby decided to leave _While You Were Sleeping _on and pay attention to her mother for at least a couple of minutes. "No, mom. I told you I'm not doing that."

"Oh, nonsense, Abby. You're a beautiful, smart, young woman. You have to go out there and find yourself a man!"

Abby just rolled her eyes. "Mom, I have a son who needs my attention..."

"Your son is fine, Abby!" Maggie interrupted her. "You have a babysitter, you can leave him with Richard. A date won't kill you, and it won't kill Dominic."

Of course, nothing could kill Dominic. Nothing could bring him to life either. That was the problem. 

"Oh, honey, I have to go. I'm painting the apartment and I need to get some brushes."

Some brushes... at eleven o'clock at night. "Ok," Abby sighed. 

"I love you, give my grandson a big hug for me."

"Ye--" Abby started, but then all of a sudden, Maggie hung up on her. 

Letting out a sigh, she just turned off the television and decided to go to bed. Dominic would be coming home tomorrow, so she wanted the night to go by quickly. As she rested her head on the pillow and looked straight up at the darkened ceiling, she couldn't help but letting out a sigh of annoyance. Maggie, what the hell did she know? Sometimes she'd stay in bed for weeks. And sometimes she dated so much that Abby wondered if there were really enough men in the state of Florida. If she was going to accept any advice on dating, it certainly wouldn't be from a woman who couldn't hold on to a relationship if the safety of the world depended on it. Besides, she really didn't need a man in her life to feel good. Just because her bed was empty didn't mean her heart was too, right? Hell, who needs sex? She could get a vibrator who wouldn't judge her, talk back, and when it was slowing down, all she had to do was go to the pharmacy and get some batteries. 

But no, it was in everyone's train of thought that Abby needed to start dating again, distract herself. Distract herself from what? Her son? What kind of mother would think like that? She already felt guilty enough for working and having to leave him with a babysitter. Yeah, of course she wished things were different. Like every single woman out there, she had once dreamed about marrying a prince charming, one who wouldn't leave, fight, or cheat on her. Sometimes she wished she had a shoulder to cry on, someone to lean on, someone to talk to about Dominic. But you can't have everything. Fairy tales are for five year old girls. By the time she found a guy like that, Dominic would probably be thirty years old. She rolled to the side, staring at the empty side of her bed.

Dating. She couldn't even remember how to spell the word.

~*~

Sundays, quiet, reserved, nothing like any other day of the week. Amazingly enough, kids were already pretending to be sick to avoid that first day of school. One came in with a "sore throat" another one with the "stomach flu" and one little boy even claimed he had ovarian cancer. It made Abby laugh, the things kids came up with. This was what the beginning of a school year was to her. When other mothers were fighting at the department stores for the latest _Toy Story _lunch box, she was at work, only aware of the beginning of a school year because of the parade of children coming in each day, claming to have brain tumors and heart attacks. 

"Abby," Chen called out as she walked over to the main desk with a huge smile on her face. "My nephew's birthday is this weekend, he's Dominic's age. So I was wondering if you wanted to bring him over?"

"Oh," Abby said, half in wonderment, half in dread. 

"I mean, it's not going to be a big deal, just some cake, a couple of kids, a clown..." Jing Mei continued as if she was retelling the story of how she found the cure for cancer. 

"Um," Abby began as she played with the chart she was holding. "You know, we were gonna go visit his grandmother this weekend, she hasn't seen him in a while. I'm sorry."

"Oh, ok," Chen said with a small hint of disappointment. "Well, you know, if you ever need a play date..."

"Thanks, I-I- I'll let you know," Abby smiled genuinely. 

"I'll save you some cake," Jing Mei added, picking up a new chart and walking towards the waiting area. 

"Thank you," Abby said, watching her go. Suddenly she remembered why she hadn't told anyone about Dominic. It was only a matter of days now before they all found out he was autistic and would start suggesting great doctors and therapists. 

"You look tired," Luka said as he walked over and erased a name off the board. 

Abby instinctively rubbed her eyes, but then shook her head. "It's the trend."

"The trend?" Luka asked. 

Abby smiled, "You know, the look. If you work in a hospital, you have to look tired, it's the law."

"Ah," Luka nodded his head. "Like washing your hands?" 

"Yeah," Abby replied, wondering if he knew she was making a joke. 

"Abby, phone call," Frank said, letting the phone hang from his hand. 

Abby walked over, hoping it wasn't Maggie again. "Hello? Yeah... It's Sunday." She listened for a moment, and then closed her eyes, letting out a sigh. "I'm sorry, his father was supposed to take him... yeah, ok. Thanks for letting me know." She hung up with a little too much energy, making yet another mental note: kill Richard. 

As if by magic, her ex-husband walked through the ER doors. Of course. She always told him to drop Dominic at her apartment, but he always found a way to either have her drive to his house, or leave his son with the babysitter. 

Abby gave him a look, and he immediately let his head drop back. 

"What?" he asked, annoyed, as he held his son's hand. 

Abby walked towards the lounge, motioning for him to go in with her. Thank God the lounge was empty, because she was waiting for him inside, her arms crossed in front of her, her foot tapping on the floor. 

"I just got a phone call from Dr. Anderson?" 

Richard rolled his eyes, but didn't have time to explain. 

"What the hell were you thinking, Richard?" she continued. 

"It was Friday, Abby, and you have your son going to the doctor's?"

"This is important for him!" Abby yelled. 

"Well, I think it's a little important for him that we have a little faith and treat him like a normal kid," Richard replied. 

"Open your eyes, Richard! Does he look normal to you?" 

Richard let go of Dominic's hand and followed Abby as she walked towards her locker to look for God knows what, probably a gun. "Hey, it's not my fault he's like that. Don't try to pin this on me!"

"I'm not pinning this on anyone, Richard. I'm just asking you to be a little responsible when it comes to your son!" Abby snapped back at him. 

"Let's not start figuring out who's more responsible, Abby! You weren't exactly responsible when you were pregnant..."

As his parents continued to blame each other, Dominic looked around the room, channeling them out. Without even being seen, he pushed the door and walked out of the lounge. On one side was the desk, and that mean man with the crazy eyebrows yelling at the phone. On the other side was the street. The doors parted before him and he walked outside, looking up at the sky. There were people smoking, talking, and some paramedics cleaning their rig. No one noticed him as he walked towards the street, playing with the metal button of his overalls. 

"Why do you always have to go back to that?" Abby continued to argue. 

"Why do you always have to be so uptight?" Richard replied. 

"Probably because I was married to you for four years," Abby said sarcastically. All of a sudden the anger was vanished from her face and she looked around the room, her eyes squinted. "Where's Dominic?"

Richard turned around, seeing the room empty. "He was just here."

"Dominic?" Abby called out, looking under the couch and inside the cabinets, but all were empty. "Oh, shit!" she grunted in anger, hitting Richard on his upper arm. She rushed out of the lounge, Richard in tow. "Luka, have you seen Dominic?" 

Noticing the urge in her voice, Luka stood up straight. "No."

Richard put his hand on Abby's arm to prevent her from panicking. "Don't worry, he couldn't have gone far."

"Dominic!" Abby called out, not even knowing where to begin the search. 

"Dominic!" Richard repeated, heading down the halls and into the rooms as Abby kept calling her son out. 

"Did you see him walk out?" Luka asked. 

"No, I, I didn't even notice," Abby replied, her hands were beginning to shake, but she tried to keep her calm. "Dominic!" she called out again, this time heading towards the elevators, praying the boy wasn't in the roof or somewhere even more dangerous. Oh, God, what if someone took him?

"What's going on?" Dave asked as he approached the desk. 

"Have you seen Abby's son?" Luka asked. Before Dave could reply, Luka heard as the ER doors opened and he looked towards the entrance. Letting the chart rest on the counter, he rushed outside, knowing kids would rather go out and play than stay inside a hospital.

"No," Dave said a little too late. "What's his name?" he asked Frank, who just shrugged his shoulders. 

"Have you seen a small boy, brown hair, blue eyes, I think he's wearing some overalls?" Luka asked one of the paramedics outside. 

"No," one of them said. "You lost a kid?"

"Yeah," Luka said and patted the paramedics arm as a thank you. Hoping his instincts were wrong, he ran all the way out to the street, looking in both directions. There wasn't much traffic, but the few the cars on the street were going faster than usual. But that didn't bother him much, he figured if there had been an accident, there would be a crowd of people meddling.

"Dominic!" he called out, knowing that the boy wouldn't reply, but hoping he would at least walk over to where Luka was. He crossed the street and walked into Doc Magoos, but the waitress hadn't seen a young boy either. As he rushed outside, and having no lead at all, he decided to just go left. 

He asked a few people on the sidewalk if they had seen a young boy, but the reply was inevitable, it was summer and there were little boys everywhere. About a block away, he came face to face with a tall building with a huge fountain in front. Luka let out a sigh of relief when he recognized Dominic's hair cut. He approached him from behind, watching as Dominic stared at the pigeons which bathed themselves in the water. 

"Dominic?"

Dominic turned around for a second, watching Luka standing there, and continued to watch the birds. 

"Do you remember me?" Luka asked as he knelt next to him. "Look," he said, reaching inside his pocket and showing Dominic his penlight. 

Dominic took it and turned it on, flashing it at the pigeons. 

"Come on, your parents are looking for you," Luka said as he picked Dominic up, hesitant that the boy might think he was a stranger, but Dominic was entertaining himself with Luka's penlight. 

When he made it to the bay, Abby was rushing out of the hospital, and when she saw them she ran towards Luka, taking Dominic in her arms. 

"Oh, thank God," she said as she filled her son's face with kisses. "Don't ever do that again, do you hear me?" Abby scolded him between hugs. "You scared mommy half to death!"

"Oh, God," Richard said in relief as he walked outside rushing over and taking Dominic away from Abby. "Hey, where'd you go, buddy?"

"He was in front of the bank, looking at the pigeons," Luka explained, resting his hands on his hips. 

Abby let out a sigh. "He likes birds."

"Thanks, man," Richard said, extending his hand to Luka, who shook it with a smile.

"Thank you," Abby added, giving Luka an appreciative smile. He smiled back.

"Did you find him?" Kerry asked as she walked out for a moment, but standing close enough to feel the air conditioner on her back. 

"Yeah," Luka said as he walked towards her.

"Good," Kerry said and walked back into the hospital. "Back to work, everyone!"

Luka stood there for a couple more seconds, looking back and watching as Abby took Dominic from Richard's arms and hugged him tight, almost strangling him. He smiled, and with one last glance, turned around and headed back to the ER.

To be continued...


	3. Part 2

"Hiding in the Shadows of the Moon"

-Part 2-

Two weeks went by, and the cat was even further out of the bag. Her personal life was all of a sudden an open book for everyone to read. Strangely enough, people didn't react the way she expected them to. Yeah, some of them did come forward to say they were sorry, as if Dominic had died or was mentally ill. The nurses encouraged her to bring the boy more often so they could watch him over. The mothers thought it would be great to go on play dates, and the rest didn't seem to have noticed she was still alive. 

She stood in front of her locker, taping a picture of her and Dominic taken a year before at the zoo. He was actually smiling at the camera. If she stared at the picture long enough, she could almost see the real Dominic, out in the world, no longer trapped in his invisible cage. How many times had she had the same dream, where Dominic comes into her room, talking to her, no longer confined? When it came down it was just that, a dream. shudder 

Shaking those thoughts out of her mind, she put her stethoscope around her neck and made her way out. It was still incredibly hot outside, which meant most of the patients were brought in due to heat strokes or dehydration. 

Miraculously enough, the event of the previous two weeks had kept Richard away for a while. On his only phone call he agreed that Dominic needed some help, more intense behavioral therapy, and promised he would try to be there more often. It was the first time Abby had heard him admit Dominic was autistic. Most of the time he would ignore the word, ignore the fact that his son was not an average five year old, and pretend he couldn't hear Abby when she tried to talk to him about it. The things that had to happen for some people to open their eyes. 

Having forgotten her lunch at home, she made her way into the cafeteria, watching as what seemed like millions of white lab coats walk all around as if someone had stepped on an ant hill. She picked up a sandwich and a bottle of water and looked around. All the tables were occupied, so she decided to go back to the ER. 

"Abby!"

She turned around to see Luka waving her over, pulling a chair out. She smiled as she walked towards him and when she finally made it she said sarcastically, "Oh, no, I was looking forward to eating in the bathroom again."

"What?" Luka shook his head. 

"It's a joke," she chuckled. "What are you reading?"

"Just some journals," he said as he put them away, reaching for his Coke. 

Abby just nodded as she unwrapped her sandwich. Luka had been just about the only person who had naturally taken the fact that she had a son. Everyone else either tried too hard not to care, or they cared way too much. Not to mention the fact that he had been able to find Dominic before God knows what sick mind out there would have taken her boy and done something to him. She knew she'd have to pay him back someday, but she really didn't know how. 

Luka was an enigma. As friendly as he was, people felt scared about asking him about his past. Why? She had no idea. Gossip still traveled around about him and Carol, and although he seemed perfectly fine to her, some nurses still talked about how the nurse had broken his heart in million pieces to be reunited with her long lost love somewhere on the west coast. Maybe they were scared of Luka, but not Abby. He had been nothing but nice to her since the moment she came into the ER. He always noticed when she was tired, which was practically every day, and sometimes even let her take a nap when one of the rooms was available and Weaver was not around. Under the circumstances, sometimes she felt as if he felt sorry for her. But something about his demeanor... she really didn't know how to put it, really. He had kind eyes. 

"Is that what you do for fun?" Abby asked, taking a bite off her sandwich. 

"Yes, mostly," Luka replied. 

"You're a wild man," Abby said sarcastically. 

Luka chuckled, swiping away with his hand a couple of crumbs on the table. "Well, it's hard when you work so many hours a week."

"Yeah, I know," Abby said as she took a sip of water. 

He stared at her for a while as she picked up little pieces of tomato and put them away on a napkin. He shifted on his seat, looking around the room. There was a window open and the way Abby nitpick on her sandwich made him smile. What was even weirder than her eating habits was the fact that she was actually sitting on the same table as him, talking and eating. He was so tired of being alone, of having no friends, no one to talk to. Sometimes he'd try to make conversation with other people but it seemed like he was built over an Indian burial ground. People were always in their own world too. Making friends at work was nearly impossible. But since Carol had left, he had found himself talking to Abby more and more. She always said good morning, and not because she was a nurse and he was a doctor and she had to. He could tell she always said hello because she felt like it. He really enjoyed her company, her smile. He tried no to think about it much, because the more he did, the more he found himself wishing he could see that smile more often. He didn't know why they seemed to be on the same level. She looked even more lonely than he felt. 

She let out a sigh of protest and he directed his attention towards her again. 

"Hospital food," she complained, covering her sandwich with the same plastic wrapping and pushing it away. 

"It's better than nothing," Luka said. 

"Define nothing," Abby replied. She stuck her tongue out in disgust and took a big gulp of water. 

"It's not that bad," Luka chuckled. 

"I think it's cat," Abby continued. 

"It's not cat," Luka said, reaching for the sandwich. 

"Why do you think there's never any stray cats around the hospital? Because the cooks go out, hunt them down, cook them, and then they put them in the sandwiches," Abby claimed, washing her mouth with water again. "They're on those mini pizzas too."

"Why would they do that?" he asked, putting the sandwich away. 

"Because it's free," Abby replied.

"How do you know it's cat? Have you ever had cat?" Luka asked. 

Abby inched closer, as if she was telling him a big secret. "You know Martha the RN in pediatrics?"

"No," Luka replied.

"You know, Martha, blonde, overweight, always chewing gum?"

"No," Luka repeated. 

Abby just shook her head. "Anyway, she bought a sandwich once. Someone made a joke and we all started laughing, but she started chocking. One of the doctors came over and did the Heimlich Maneuver on her, and then after a while she finally spit what she was chocking on. Do you know what it was?"

"What?" Luka asked, seriously intrigued. 

Abby whispered. "A hairball."

Luka flinched his face. "Really?"

Abby couldn't take it any longer and began to laugh. "Psyched."

"You are going to hell." Luka shook his head with a smile, taking a sip of his Coke. 

"You were believing it," Abby smiled. 

"I knew you were lying," Luka said, gathering his journals.

Abby stood up as well to follow him back. "Yeah, you should have seen your face."

"I'm a good actor," Luka argued. "Besides, cat doesn't taste like that."

Abby stopped, her face turned serious, almost disgusted. 

Luka laughed, "Psyched."

~*~

There was a drunk man sitting in chairs, singing to himself. She didn't remember him as a patient, and he didn't seem to be anyone's relative. Abby stared at him as he sloppily tried to keep his balance, even though he was sitting down. There was something melancholic about him, a disguised nostalgia she could recognize easily. He seemed lost, and not literally. 

She had been off the clock for a couple of minutes, but for some reason couldn't take her eyes off this guy. "Hey, Dave," she asked the doctor, who was busy surfing through the internet and feeding off a value pack of Twinkies. 

"Yeah?" he said with his mouth full.

"Who is this guy?" 

Dave looked up for a second, and then returned to his task. "He's just waiting for his wife to pick him up."

"Is he a patient?" she asked. 

"Ah, kind of, they found him passed out in the sidewalk two blocks from here," he finished, throwing the empty little carton on the trash. 

Abby stared at the guy one more time as she walked into the lounge, where Chuny, Mark, and Luka were getting ready to go home as well. She gave them a smile and approached her locker, yearning to go to bed and at least get five hours of sleep. 

"You still on for Monday?" Chuny asked all of a sudden. 

Mark, Luka, and Abby had to look at each other to figure out who Chuny was talking to until Abby finally got it. "Yeah, just make sure you show up on Saturday."

"Swapping shifts?" Mark asked, shaking his head in disapproval. 

"At least we don't pretend we're sick to stay home with our wives and sex ourselves up," Chuny said, nudging Abby in her ribs. 

"One time. I did it one time, can you let that go?" Mark replied, picking up his car keys. 

"Shut up and give me a ride," Chuny muttered. 

"Fine," Mark said, following her out. "Good night."

"Bye," Abby said and Luka just waved his hand. 

"Do you need a ride?" he asked, walking towards his own locker and taking his lab coat off. 

"Um, no, thanks," Abby said. 

Luka looked over. "You got a picture."

Abby instinctively looked at the photograph of her and Dominic as she reached for her purse. "Yeah, I figured might as well."

"It's nice," Luka smiled. 

"Thank you."

He cleared his throat, feeling a little hesitant, and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. Inside, he felt himself advancing and retrieving, over and over again. Finally he decided to close his eyes, cover his nostrils with his fingers and jump into the water. 

"Listen, um," he began, getting her attention. "Since you don't like cat or sandwiches, or cat sandwiches... there's this nice Italian restaurant downtown. Maybe, you'd like to go sometime?"

Abby frowned for a moment. Was he asking her out? Luka Kovac? Or was he telling her there was some restaurant downtown and she should check it out... alone?

"You mean," she said nervously. "As in I'd like to go, or we'd like to go?"

Luka nodded, feeling a little foolish. "Maybe, we'd like to go... together."

"Oh," she said. This had to be some kind of day dream. She blinked hard. Nope, no dream. 

__

Abby, go out there and find yourself a man!

Maggie's words danced around her head, tango, waltz, the jitter bug... over and over again. 

"Shut up," Abby hissed at Maggie's voice. 

"What?" Luka asked. 

Abby came out of her dreadful auditory hallucination and there he was right in front of her, waiting for an answer. Great, the perfect moment to pull an Ally McBeal. 

"Um," she began, trying to weigh the pros and the cons in less than two seconds. "Um... yeah, sure," she heard herself say without her brain's consent. Actually, she wasn't even sure the voice was hers either.

Luka smiled. "Saturday?"

"Ok."

"Ok," he repeated. "See you then?"

"Ok," Abby said again, watching as he walked out of the lounge with a smile. 

What the hell just happened? Abby leaned against the locker next to hers, letting out a sigh. Her hands were sweaty, her heart was pounding and her cheeks felt hot. Since when did Luka Kovac had this effect on her? 

"Oh, God," she said as she brought her hands to her face, feeling both excited and nervous. Mostly nervous. Ok, just nervous. 

All of a sudden the picture of her son came into view and she sighed. 

"Oh, God."

~*~

"I... have... nothing!" Abby said, irritated, as she walked out of her room and into the living room for the third time. Her face was blushed red, her make up was beginning to wear off, and her hair didn't seem to want to go on this date at all. "This is a disaster," she continued. "I should have joined that convent when I had the chance!"

"Relax, honey," Felicia said as she gave Dominic the remote control and walked with Abby to her bedroom, where there was a mountain of clothes on the bed, and there were shoes scattered all over the floor. 

Still in her underwear, Abby let her body fall on the bed, clearing the sweat off her hands with a blue dress. 

"Take a deep breath and relax or nothing will fit you."

Abby sat up quickly. "How can I relax? I don't have any clothes. I don't have any shoes. I might as well just go in my underwear."

"Oh, don't say that, child," Felicia said as she sorted through the pile of clothes. 

"Do you think this will be one of those restaurants where you have to wear a ten thousand dollar gown or they'll throw you out?" Abby asked. 

"Men don't spend that much money on a first date, honey. Maybe in the 50 year anniversary, but they'll always find a way to get a coupon."

Abby sighed. "I should call him up and cancel."

"Over my dead body!" Felicia said loudly, almost yelling. "I've been taking care of that boy for two years and I've never..."

"Seen me go on a date once," Abby finished. "You say that every week."

"You got yourself into this, you're gonna get yourself out," Felicia continued with a smile. 

"I don't know," Abby said. "I think I have the flu."

"Don't you think about sabotaging this date!" Felicia scolded and picked up a blue dotted dress. "This is nice."

Abby flinched. "Yeah, if we're going back in time to 1984."

Felicia scoffed. "As soon as you get a day off we're gonna go and get you some decent clothes."

"Don't worry, I'm never going out on a date again," Abby said, twirling on a shirt. 

"Here," Felicia said, throwing Abby a skirt.

Abby complained, but put it on anyway and caught a shirt Felicia threw at her. 

"And remember, nice girls don't go around kissing men on the first date."

Abby smiled. "It's almost the millennium."

"I don't care if it's the trillennium, it ain't proper. You be careful with those European men. They charming, and gentlemen and before you know it, honey you got your panties around your ankles," Felicia said seriously, her rhythm gospel like.

Abby laughed. "Don't worry, I'm not wearing any underwear." She turned around expecting to see Felicia smiling, but the woman just gave her a serious look. "I'm kidding!"

Felicia shook her head as she began to clean up the room. All of a sudden both women heard a knock on the door and Abby jumped up. 

"Oh God, oh God, oh God," she muttered, her heart almost ready to pop out of her chest and her hands getting sweaty in a matter of two nanoseconds. "Oh, I think I'm gonna throw up."

"I'll get it."

Abby took a couple of quick breaths as she saw the older black woman walk out of the room. "Ok, ok," she repeated to calm herself down. Raising her arms, she smelled under her armpits and then flowed the area with more deodorant. Letting out a sigh, she looked at herself in the mirror and moaned. Why did she have to be so ordinary looking?

Dominic sat on the couch in front of the television watching the cartoons as Felicia walked across the living room towards the door. Without hesitating, or asking who it was, she opened it up to reveal a tall guy in a black suit and a surprised look on his face. 

"Don't worry, you're in the right place," she said as she opened the door for him to get in. "I'm Felicia, I take care of Dominic."

"Oh," Luka said as he shook her hand. "I'm Luka Kovac."

Felicia inspected him up and down, wishing she could sit him down and give him the same speech she gave Abby just a couple of minutes ago. But Abby would fire her in a second, so she decided to let it go. "Abby will be ready in a second."

"Thanks," Luka said, trying not to look as nervous as he was. Felicia went into the kitchen to prepare dinner and he approached the couch where Dominic sat. "Hi, Dominic." He sat down next to the boy and reached inside his pocket. "Look, I have a present for you."

Dominic looked over, and hesitantly grabbed the penlight off Luka's hand, immediately starting to turn it on and off. 

Feeling a little more relaxed after bathing herself in deodorant fumes, Abby walked out of her room and into the living room, holding on to her purse for dear life. "Oh, look at that, new toy."

Luka looked her way and stood up immediately with a smile. "I thought he might like it."

"Thank you," Abby said, her stomach in ties and knots. "You ready?"

"Yeah."

Abby walked over and knelt in front of the couch, facing Dominic. "Hey sweetie, I'll see you in a couple of hours, okay? Don't give Felicia a hard time." Grabbing his face, she deposited a number of kisses all over his cheeks and forehead. 

"Oh, you're not leaving for two weeks," Felicia said as she walked over. "Dominic and I are going to bake cookies and I don't want to hear a word about him not being able to eat sweets. You kids go out there and have fun."

Abby just shook her head and stood up. "Call me if anything happens."

"Won't be necessary," Felicia replied, pushing Abby out the door. 

"Yeah, but just in case..."

"Good night," the babysitter said sternly, closing the door and locking it behind her. 

Abby let out a sigh, facing the numbers on her own door.

"I think they'll be fine," Luka said, almost whispering. 

Abby just smiled at him. "Yeah."

Luka extended his arm for her to walk ahead and he followed. "You look very nice."

Abby just let out a sarcastic laugh but accepted the compliment anyway. "Thank you. You look smart."

"Huh?" 

~*~

There was soft piano music, soft lights, and low talking, and Abby felt a little too nervous at the moment as she put the white napkin on her lap. She shook her head slightly, looking around. "Sure we won't find the queen here?"

"Maybe no that kind of queen," Luka said and pointed over Abby's shoulder. 

She looked back to see a drag queen by the bar, drinking alone. She moaned. "How do they get their hair so shiny?"

Luka smiled, remembering all those times he had to reassure the previous women in his life that, "No, honey, she's not as pretty as you." He took his napkin and laid it on his lap as well. "Well, I think you look prettier," he said, giving her a flirty smile.

Abby just looked down so he wouldn't see her red cheeks and thanked him... again. God, she hated compliments. A waiter came over and introduced himself as Mauricio, putting two menus on the table in front of them. In a very heavy Italian accent he told them about the specials, and asked if they were interested in seeing the whine chart. Luka nodded and was about to say yes until Abby interrupted him. 

"Um, I-I'd rather not," she said nervously as she shook her head. 

"Ok," Luka said casually, shaking his head at the waiter. 

"No, I mean, if you want, go ahead," Abby told Luka. 

"It's okay," Luka smiled, making a motion to let her order first. 

Strike one. "Can I just have an iced tea?"

"And for you, sir?" 

"Same thing," Luka ordered. 

The waiter left to give them time to look at the menus and come back with their drinks. Abby took a deep breath, feeling a little too self-conscious. "I'm sorry, I just... I don't drink."

"It's okay, really," Luka chuckled. 

Abby watched him as he eyed the menu. Talk about a mood killer. She looked around the restaurant once more and at the conservative patrons, most of which were business men. 

"So how did you know about this place?"

Luka put the menu down for a moment. "I used to come here when I first moved to Chicago."

She was about to ask with whom until she realized it was none of her business. Hey, Luka was really a mystery, who knows how many women he dated before and after Carol. After all, nurses, female doctors and patients were always coming on to him. Abby had watched more than often as a women would write their phone numbers on a piece of paper and slip it down his lab coat pocket. She didn't know why, but it always made her so irritated. Sometimes they even asked Abby to give him their number for them! If they wanted to go out with him, why couldn't they just ask?

The waiter came back and took their orders. "Very well. Your food will be out as soon as possible, meanwhile enjoy some bread on the house."

Abby raised her eyebrows at Luka when the waiter left. "They're so polite." She followed him with her eyes as he made his way to the kitchen, suddenly opening the door abruptly and slamming it behind him. 

"Marcello! I told-a ya, the veal is Picatta, not Marsalla!" the waiter yelled at the chef.

"VAFFANCULO!" the chef yelled back.

"I stand corrected," Abby smiled. 

"So," Luka shifted on his seat. "I think I'm a little scared of Felicia."

Abby laughed. "She's great."

"She looks tough," Luka replied.

"She's very protective."

"Ah," Luka said. "So I guess I can't walk you to your door?"

Abby just shook her head like a fifteen year old, taking a sip of her iced tea. Iced tea on a fine dining restaurant. What was she thinking? They both ignored the basket of bread sitting in front of them as Abby asked Luka what he was doing in Chicago all the way from Croatia. He didn't seem to think it was a big deal, but she saw it differently. 

"Don't you miss your family?" Abby asked. 

"Sometimes. But everybody leaves home," Luka replied. 

"Yeah, but Chicago is a long way."

Luka shrugged his shoulders. "It's the same, isn't it? When you're gone, you're gone."

"I guess," Abby said. 

"Don't **you **miss your family?" Luka asked. 

"No!" Abby laughed. "They're the reason I left." Not wanting him to think she came from a dysfunctional family, she added. "Well, that and to follow my ex husband around."

"You don't get along?" Luka asked.

"That obvious?"

"The walls of the lounge are thin," Luka said, feeling embarrassed for her. 

She just shook her head with a smile. "We're a match made in heaven."

Glad she hadn't taken offense to that comment, Luka just chuckled slightly. She diverted the topic to work and he went along with it. By the time the food arrived, they both felt more comfortable around each other and the prospect of 'dating' for Abby wasn't that alien anymore. Dating someone from work, however, she wondered what the repercussions of that would be. 

The waiter came over, took their plates and left the dessert menu on the table. As soon as Abby picked it up to eye the chocolate section, her cell phone went off. 

"Sorry," she said as she reached inside her purse and took out her phone, pressing it on and putting it to her ear. "Hello?... What's wrong?" she let out a sigh, turning sideways, as if that would prevent Luka from hearing the conversation. "Did you try singing to him?... O-ok, okay, I'll be right there," she said, closing the phone and gathering her things. 

"Is everything okay?" Luka asked. 

"No, Dominic's not doing so well. I have to go, I'm so sorry," she said, standing up. 

"Don't worry about it," Luka said, standing up as well and motioning for the waiter to come over. After paying the bill, he guided her outside.

Walking down the halls to her apartment, she could already hear Dominic screaming and grunting. She opened the door, let her purse fall on the floor and rushed over to the living room, where Felicia was trying to control Dominic's tantrum. 

"How long has he been like this?" Abby asked, trying to gather Dominic's arms. 

"I don't know, he was a little upset after you left," Felicia said. 

"Hey! Hey!" Abby said, wrapping her arms around Dominic, but he just swung at her, punching her arms and chest and screaming. He got away from her and ran into his room, but Abby ran behind him. 

She found him sitting on the floor, smacking his head with his hands. Abby rushed over and picked him up, pinning his arms to his body and sitting on a rocking chair. "Hey, it's okay," she tried to coo but Dominic continued to grunt and cry, trying to get away and hit her at the same time.

"Shh, shh, shh," she rocked back and forth, stroking his hair. He slowly began to cry lower, his angry face softening, his body becoming lazy. She began to sing him a lullaby, wrapping her arms tight around him. His cries slowly became soft hums, until she felt his little body limp and realized he had fallen asleep. Picking him up, she put him to bed, wrapping him in a soft blue blanket. Letting out a sigh, she just looked around the room, feeling emotionally and physically exhausted. 

Leaving his night light on, she just walked outside. When she walked to the living room again, she was surprised to see Luka there, picking some things up. She had forgotten all about him, even about their date. 

"I'm sorry, you don't have to clean that up," she said, walking over and starting to clean herself. 

"Is he okay?" Luka asked. 

"Yeah, he's asleep," Abby said. 

Luka just nodded uncomfortably. "Felicia had to go, so..."

"Yeah, thanks," she said distractedly, trying not to look directly at him. She felt as if she had just walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to her shoe.

Luka stared at her for a moment and then walked over, pointing to her arm. "You're bleeding."

Abby looked down at her arm, noticing a straight line of blood poring out from a deep scratch and sliding down to her wrist. "Oh," she moaned, shaking her head. 

"Here, let me look," he said as he walked closer, taking her arm. "Do you have any alcohol?"

Abby didn't say anything but just walked down the hall to her room, Luka in tow. She was glad to see Felicia had picked up all her clothes and shoes and cleaned her room. There was a first aid kit in one of the drawers in her bathroom and she walked outside, handing it to Luka, and sitting down on her bed. 

"Does he hurt you often?" Luka asked, taking out some alcohol pads. 

Abby shook her head, not wanting to make it as bad as he thought it was. "No, no, he just gets nervous sometimes. I guess... he doesn't like it when I clip his nails."

Luka looked up at her, and she just kept staring at the blood on her arm. He cleaned the wound and she didn't even flinch at the alcohol. "It's not so bad, you're a good bleeder," he tried to joke, but she didn't even move. He put a band aid on her scratch and then looked up at her again. She looked like a scolded five year old girl. "Are you okay?"

"I'm so sorry," Abby mumbled, rubbing her arm. 

"It's okay," Luka tried to make light of the situation.

"No, it's not," Abby continued. "It's my fault, I should have known he wouldn't like me leaving like this." She felt an uncontrollable anger building inside of her, and suddenly tears began to welt on her eyes, but she shook them away. "Richard's right."

"About what?" Luka asked, knowing he was on a mine field. 

Ignoring his question, she just continued. "I'm just so tired of this, every day is the same thing, I don't know what to do anymore."

She let her face fall in her hands and Luka didn't know if she was crying or not. Her shoulders were shaking and feeling a little out of place, he just put his arm around her. He almost jumped back when she let her body sink into his, holding on to him almost desperately. He immediately felt her hot tears through the fabric of his shirt. Her overwhelming release of emotions was almost too much for him to bare as well. He knew she was a single mother and Richard barely saw his son once a month. Apparently their marriage ended way before it technically did. He wondered if Abby had received comfort, if someone had been there for her through all of this. By the way she strongly gripped on to his shirt and his back he was guessing never. He knew how hard being a parent was, but he also knew being a single parent was even harder. He knew being a parent of an autistic child was so much harder, that it was almost mind blowing. 

He put his arms around her and let her cry, rubbing her back. No matter how much he tried to reassure her that it would be okay, she kept blaming herself, over and over as it became her mantra. 

"I didn't know I was pregnant, I just kept drinking," she said almost incoherently, repeating the words over and over. 

"It's okay," Luka said, trying to put all the pieces together. "It's not your fault." he said again, but it occurred to him that Abby had believed this lie for so long, that to her, it was the truth. 

Eventually, just as Dominic before, her cries softened up. Her head began to pound louder and louder and the pain was almost unbearable. For some reason she just couldn't let go of Luka. She tried, but her body just wouldn't budge. After Dominic had been diagnosed, Richard just became angry and bitter. He immediately blamed her for drinking during her pregnancy, for 'not taking care of herself'. He found comfort in other women, but she had to swallow it down. Richard was gone, her family lived far away, her friends were co-workers and the doctors were there for Dominic. No one was there for her. In fact, she had never cried like this in front of anyone, not Richard, or the doctors, or Felicia. There was just no time to cry, and no reason to. If she felt like crying, she convinced herself that she had to be strong for Dominic and she would just ignore her own feelings. There was something different about tonight. She had never had an outburst like this, and much less in front of someone like Luka. She couldn't even feel the guilt or embarrassment she knew would come later. At that moment, she was crying for all those years she held back.

To be continued...


End file.
